True I (Who am I?)
In August 1989, I became physically disabled due to an injury called cervical spinal cord injury from a traffic accident. Let me introduce myself by describing the time of that accident.
I was lying on the road, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Right after I fell, I had lost all sensation from my neck down. I couldn’t feel anything below my neck – it was as if my arms, legs, and torso had gone somewhere, and I couldn’t tell where they were. It felt as though only my head was rolling on the ground. Eventually, I noticed my breathing felt strange, as if I couldn’t take deep breaths. My body was alerting me to a state of emergency. My physical condition was such that the word “death “, which until then had been just a word, might become a reality.
At that moment, for the first time in my life, I thought, “I might die. ” When the idea that “I might die ” crossed my mind, the next thing I wondered was, “What happens when I die? Where will I go? ” I had seen a dead body before, and I knew what physical state is referred to as “death. ” I realized then that my previous notion of “death ” had been only a verbal expression. I had never deeply considered what “death ” truly meant, and all I knew was the state of physical “death. “
I didn’t have an answer to that in my memories.
I realized I didn’t know about “death, ” but in a situation where I might die, such a realization couldn’t help me in any way. It was truly frustrating. I really felt overwhelmed.In my life until then, I had learned many things. However, everything I knew from those experiences was about things other than myself.
These were my thoughts in the few minutes I waited for the ambulance.
I realized that I knew almost nothing about myself.
How much did I truly know about myself up to that point? If I were to liken it to an iceberg, I might have barely known just a tiny fragment of the tip that’s visible above the water’s surface.
Later on, I came to understand that discovering “who I am, ” the true “I,” is indeed the genuine purpose of a being born with a human body.
Who is the true “I”?
We recognize ourselves when we’re awake and thinking, and when we’re dreaming. However, the body exists as a living entity even during deep sleep. In deep sleep, we don’t have the conscious awareness like when we’re awake or dreaming, so we don’t recognize anything about the body or the external world. Usually, when we say “I “, we refer to ourselves when we are conscious and thinking. But what kind of entity is this “I “? Regardless of whether we’re aware of it or not, it’s evident that we usually refer to our physical body and personality when we say “I “. Is the “I ” just the physical body and personality?
Let’s consider the physical body.
The body is a material entity made up of a collection of cells. The ultimate form of a cell is elemental and inorganic. It’s said that the human body is formed by approximately 37 trillion cells. Cells are constantly dividing to create new ones, and the body operates with these fresh cells. And within each of these cells is a person’s unique DNA, known as the blueprint for the body. Both cells and DNA are material. Such a material entity, the body, spends its day thinking, moving, and sleeping. All the organs of the body function 24 hours a day, and while functioning, the body exists as a living organism. There must be something within the body that allows this material entity to function and exist as a living being. This “something ” may be a hypothetical existence, but we cannot definitively say it’s just a hypothesis.
As previously mentioned, when we normally say “I, ” we are referring to the body and the personality. If that’s the case, we also include in the term “I ” the very existence that sustains our body as a living entity. However, we are often not conscious of such an existence, nor do we ponder its nature. Let’s call this existence “It ” for the sake of this discussion.
It’s easy to speculate that “It ” exists by means of thought. When “It ” exists, the body is alive, and without “It “, the body would be mere matter. Therefore, “It ” is not merely hypothetical but is the very existence that sustains the body as a living being. One could argue that “It ” is the ultimate source of energy for all life.
Does this ultimate existence, the foundational energy of life, “It “, truly exist? We can understand that “It ” resides within every living person.
What kind of existence is “It “?
Is “It ” material? or is “It ” a non-material existence?
We can speculate that “It ” exists as the reason why the material body functions as a living entity.
We rarely focus our attention on “It “, and it’s fair to say that under ordinary circumstances, recognizing “It ” is quite challenging. We direct our consciousness only to the world we perceive through our sensory organs (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and touch), which essentially pertains to the external world. We neither consciously think about nor take interest in the speculated internal entity we’re calling “It “.
Can we truly understand ‘It’?
Things that exist are recognized by the mind through the sensory organs. However, it might be said that it’s impossible for the mind to recognize ‘It’ through these sensory organs. The mind accumulates what it has perceived through the sensory organs as experiences. The mind is an organ of thought but thought is based on experiences. An experience is the memory of past events brought about through the sensory organs. The mind accumulates experiences, be it phenomena of the natural world, the culture of the human world, traditions, customs, religions, or learnings.
If the foundation of thought is experience, then the mind hasn’t recognized ‘It’ yet. This is because the mind knows nothing about what it hasn’t experienced. Can the mind come to know ‘It’ through experiences? You can say that the mind can know ‘It’ if it can recognize experiences. As previously mentioned, since ‘It’ is inherent in the body, we cannot find ‘It’ in the external world.
How can the mind come to know ‘It’?
Without experiences, the mind can’t know anything, and all memories of past experiences the mind has had might be useless. ‘It’ has existed from a time before the mind experienced anything. ‘It’ existed even before the mind began to think, and it is understood that the mind functions because of ‘It’. How can the mind recognize ‘It’? What the mind has experienced is knowledge of the external world through the sensory organs. The mind is a projection of the external world, it is the external world itself, and it is made up of the external world.
The mind knows nothing about the inherent ‘It’.
With its current and past experiences, the mind cannot know ‘It’. What is now present in the mind is an intense attachment to the external world. It should not be easy for the mind to transcend this attachment. The mind sees everything through the colored glasses of experience. The mind has thoughts of analysis and comparison, and feelings of likes and dislikes brought about by these thoughts.
What should the mind learn in order to know ‘It’?
The mind must learn to observe thoughts as they are. This can be said because the one who thinks claims to be “I” and to know such a “I,” understanding thoughts is necessary. The best way to understand thoughts is to observe them just as they are. Observing as they are simply means continuing to gaze intentl, here the objects are thoughts themselves . To observe in such a manner means being in a state where there is no analysis by memory, no comparison with memory, no identification with memory, and no criticism based on memory.
When observing just as they are, the heart realizes that the “thinking I,” formed by experiences, is not the “true I.” And the mind can infer that the “true I,” which is not the body nor the thoughts, exists.
Can the mind know ‘It’ when observing just as they are?
The mind can infer, based on speculation, that an existence not found in knowledge is the “true I” = “It. ” However, at this stage, the mind cannot know who the “true I” = “It ” is. By continuing to observe just as they are, the mind undergoes a transformation. The mind reaches a state where it brings forth awareness. Awareness is a state without the desire to seek something or become something, a state without even the thought of becoming aware of something. When in a state of awareness, there are no issues present in the mind. The mind remains silent.
In such a state, the mind, existing in silence, comes to recognize the existence of something usually unnoticed in a normal state. The recognition that something is perceived by the mind as an internalized sensation, and if expressed in the most appropriate word for that existence, it would be “consciousness. “
In consciousness, there’s the manifest and latent consciousness, which can be said to originate from past memories and is the source of actions. However, what is expressed as “consciousness ” that the mind recognizes through silence is not this kind of consciousness. It’s based on the heart’s real feeling that this “consciousness ” exists as such, and can only be expressed in the word “consciousness. ” The proof that this “consciousness ” is “It ” cannot be explained by any logic. This is because the “true I” can only be described as “It, ” which is beyond ordinary comprehension, and its existence is difficult to explain in words.
However, when the mind is completely silent, it encounters this “consciousness ” that cannot be described in words. When we usually say “I, ” we refer to the physical body and the thinking entity. But that “I ” is just a superficial self. “It ” is not the body nor the thinker. We can only say that “It ” exists as “It. “
Who is the true “I”?
We recognize ourselves when we’re awake and thinking, and when we’re dreaming. However, the body exists as a living entity even during deep sleep. In deep sleep, we don’t have the conscious awareness like when we’re awake or dreaming, so we don’t recognize anything about the body or the external world. Usually, when we say “I “, we refer to ourselves when we are conscious and thinking. But what kind of entity is this “I “? Regardless of whether we’re aware of it or not, it’s evident that we usually refer to our physical body and personality when we say “I “. Is the “I ” just the physical body and personality?
Let’s consider the physical body.
The body is a material entity made up of a collection of cells. The ultimate form of a cell is elemental and inorganic. It’s said that the human body is formed by approximately 37 trillion cells. Cells are constantly dividing to create new ones, and the body operates with these fresh cells. And within each of these cells is a person’s unique DNA, known as the blueprint for the body. Both cells and DNA are material. Such a material entity, the body, spends its day thinking, moving, and sleeping. All the organs of the body function 24 hours a day, and while functioning, the body exists as a living organism. There must be something within the body that allows this material entity to function and exist as a living being. This “something ” may be a hypothetical existence, but we cannot definitively say it’s just a hypothesis.
As previously mentioned, when we normally say “I, ” we are referring to the body and the personality. If that’s the case, we also include in the term “I ” the very existence that sustains our body as a living entity. However, we are often not conscious of such an existence, nor do we ponder its nature. Let’s call this existence “It ” for the sake of this discussion.
It’s easy to speculate that “It ” exists by means of thought. When “It ” exists, the body is alive, and without “It “, the body would be mere matter. Therefore, “It ” is not merely hypothetical but is the very existence that sustains the body as a living being. One could argue that “It ” is the ultimate source of energy for all life.
Does this ultimate existence, the foundational energy of life, “It “, truly exist? We can understand that “It ” resides within every living person.
What kind of existence is “It “?
Is “It ” material? Or is “It ” a non-material existence?
We can speculate that “It ” exists as the reason why the material body functions as a living entity.
We rarely focus our attention on “It “, and it’s fair to say that under ordinary circumstances, recognizing “It ” is quite challenging. We direct our consciousness only to the world we perceive through our sensory organs (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and touch), which essentially pertains to the external world. We neither consciously think about nor take interest in the speculated internal entity we’re calling “It “.
“Can we truly understand ‘It’?
Things that exist are recognized by the mind through the sensory organs. However, it might be said that it’s impossible for the mind to recognize ‘It’ through these sensory organs. The mind accumulates what it has perceived through the sensory organs as experiences. The mind is an organ of thought but thought is based on experiences. An experience is the memory of past events brought about through the sensory organs. The mind accumulates experiences, be it phenomena of the natural world, the culture of the human world, traditions, customs, religions, or learnings.
If the foundation of thought is experience, then the mind hasn’t recognized ‘It’ yet. This is because the mind knows nothing about what it hasn’t experienced. Can the mind come to know ‘It’ through experiences? You can say that the mind can know ‘It’ if it can recognize experiences. As previously mentioned, since ‘It’ is inherent in the body, we cannot find ‘It’ in the external world.
How can the mind come to know ‘It’?
Without experiences, the mind can’t know anything, and all memories of past experiences the mind has had might be useless. ‘It’ has existed from a time before the mind experienced anything. ‘It’ existed even before the mind began to think, and it is understood that the mind functions because of ‘It’. How can the mind recognize ‘It’? What the mind has experienced is knowledge of the external world through the sensory organs. The mind is a projection of the external world, it is the external world itself, and it is made up of the external world.
The mind knows nothing about the inherent ‘It’.
With its current and past experiences, the mind cannot know ‘It’. What is now present in the mind is an intense attachment to the external world. It should not be easy for the mind to transcend this attachment. The mind sees everything through the colored glasses of experience. The mind has thoughts of analysis and comparison, and feelings of likes and dislikes brought about by these thoughts.
What should the mind learn in order to know ‘It’?
The mind must learn to observe thoughts as they are. This can be said because the one who thinks claims to be “I” and to know such a “self,” understanding thoughts is necessary. The best way to understand thoughts is to observe them just as they are. Observing as they are simply means continuing to gaze intentl, here the objects are thoughts themselves . To observe in such a manner means being in a state where there is no analysis by memory, no comparison with memory, no identification with memory, and no criticism based on memory.
When observing just as they are, the heart realizes that the “thinking I,” formed by experiences, is not the “true I.” And the mind can infer that the “true I,” which is not the body nor the thoughts, exists.
Can the mind know ‘It’ when observing just as they are?
The mind can infer, based on speculation, that an existence not found in knowledge is the “true I” = “It. ” However, at this stage, the mind cannot know who the “true I” = “It ” is. By continuing to observe just as they are, the mind undergoes a transformation. The mind reaches a state where it brings forth awareness. Awareness is a state without the desire to seek something or become something, a state without even the thought of becoming aware of something. When in a state of awareness, there are no issues present in the mind. The mind remains silent.
In such a state, the mind, existing in silence, comes to recognize the existence of something usually unnoticed in a normal state. The recognition that something is perceived by the mind as an internalized sensation, and if expressed in the most appropriate word for that existence, it would be “consciousness. “
In consciousness, there’s the manifest and latent consciousness, which can be said to originate from past memories and is the source of actions. However, what is expressed as “consciousness ” that the mind recognizes through silence is not this kind of consciousness. It’s based on the heart’s real feeling that this “consciousness ” exists as such, and can only be expressed in the word “consciousness. ” The proof that this “consciousness ” is “It ” cannot be explained by any logic. This is because the “true I” can only be described as “It, ” which is beyond ordinary comprehension, and its existence is difficult to explain in words.
However, when the mind is completely silent, it encounters this “consciousness ” that cannot be described in words. When we usually say “I, ” we refer to the physical body and the thinking entity. But that “I ” is just a superficial me. “It ” is not the body nor the thinker. We can only say that “It ” exists as “It. “
When you truly ask, “Who am I? ” you realize you don’t know the “true I.” The question of who I am arises. It can be said that knowing the “true I” is the true purpose of being born as a human. By knowing the “true I,” you come to know that all “I “s are also the “true I.”
translator：Makoto Ishii
